VFXhack

1. If you are a robot of African-American decent, make sure everyone can tell by giving yourself a name with cultural connotations like Jazz. For added clarity make sure you talk “street” and throw in a few breakdancing moves. WARNING!! Once you have revealed your heritage, it is now certain you will be killed later in the film.
2. If you see an object the size and mass of a skyscraper collapse in on itself like a brown dwarf, do not be alarmed. The resulting object (about the size of a shoebox) will magically shed 99.999976% of its mass. This will allow you to carry it under your arm heisman trophy style while you jump from rooftop to rooftop.
3. If you want to be a computer “Hacker” make sure you stare at the screen blankly and rapidly type random characters on your keyboard. This will allow you enter any computer system no matter how advanced. TIP! It also makes you more intellegent if you are extremely dorky and have a very hot female friend. This is ofter referred to as the “Inverse Law of Attractiveness” or “Bay’s Paradox”.
4. If you are an pretty young lady hankering for a stroll through downtown Los Angeles, you should dress for the occasion. Preferably in a lowcut sun dress, one like you might wear at the beach. If you happen to come across several large alien robots fighting for the fate of the human race, make your move to the middle of the street and sit relatively motionless on a pile of rubble. That way a robot can step over you in slow motion while you look up aghast.
5. If you need to start a vehicle that you don’t have the keys for in order to save the future of the planet Earth, DON’T PANIC. Just follow these simple instructions. First, make sure that your father is a car thief, you will need to power of irony for this to work. The rest is easy. Break the driver’s side window with your elbow, then reach inside and open the door. You will see two dangling wires, one red, one blue. They will be pre-exposed for your convenience. Last but not least, touch the wires together. After a bright blue spark the vehicle will start right up!

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 7th, 2007 at 4:32 am and is filed under funny, movies, opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.